Kurbani Kaur Part Two

Kurbani Kaur Part Two by Sukhmandir Kaur

Then one day her beloved brother was in an industrial accident at work. His beard was caught in machinery, and nearly half was yanked out. He suffered, pain and shame. He sat behind Baba ji, and read from the new Siri Guru Granth Sahib, this one had just one line. She wanted to try to read it, but didn’t dare. As she watched her brother’s lips moving, while he recited Gurbaani, a glow lighted him.

Photo © [S Khalsa]

Looking at his face with half his beard missing, suddenly she saw herself, how she looked when she pulled out half her whiskers. All this time she had thought she was disfigured when her hair grew, yet it dawned on her consciousness now that actually all these years she had been disfiguring herself by removing her hair and painting her face. Even some other ladies in the community had followed her mistakes. She went to her room and wept some more. She had tried so hard, and it had all ended in failure. She had taken off her tight white knits, and started wearing Salvaar Kameez over her Kachhera, wearing black to reserve her inner strength. Removing the white turban she had grown up in, in favour of a Keski (small under-turban), she tied a black one and had worn it day and night, despite many protests from the children’s father. She slept in her Kirpaan, and Kachhera, and kept all 5 of her Kakkaars (articles of faith), even during ishnaan (bathing), and had never ever removed her Karha since the first day she put it on, 20 years ago. And still she failed. She had struggled to learn her Nitnem, gotten up at 3:30am every morning for Amrit-vela, and done Naam Simran for at least an hour, for the past year or two. She carefully never ate outside and did all her cooking in her own utensils, yet still she failed miserably.

She failed because she hadn’t understood. But now she did understand, and she firmed her resolve never to make foolish mistakes again.

Vaisakhi day came and she went alone to the Guru-Roop Panj Pyaare weeping. They would not allow her without the children’s father. She wept harder, “He is fed up with me.” She wept so piteously that they accepted her but with restrictions until the children’s father came also before Panj Pyaare. She was so grateful.

They gave her some instructions to recite Baani (prayers) and told her “Do not touch your face, it is poison.”

She wore the Kesri Keski (saffron colour small turban) that she received in the Amrit Sanchaar for nearly a year after, day and night as her Chunni (scarf) and touched her face only with the Kesri Kapraa (cloth) covering her hands between it and face until her hands could be trusted to touch with love rather than remorse. The children’s father had been completely fed up with her and had threatened her security. But she knew that just as she had struggled with change; he also was going through incredible adjustments. Of course that didn’t really make it any easier to deal with the flares of anger, but it drove her closer to Guru Sahib, her shelter, her honor, as she frequently wet the rumaalas flooding them with her tears.

Something had happened, she changed. Everybody said so. It was true. She had changed. Now she was a Singhni for real. Maybe she wasn’t beautiful, or perhaps she didn’t even know what beauty was. Her daughter always told her she was beautiful, but that was just love wasn’t it? She knew now though that she was loved. Loved by Guru Sahib, and loved by Saadh Sangat (the Company of the Holy). She knew “Waahe” (amazement and awe) too… because inside she had “Guroo” (the Light, which dispels Darkness)… WaaheGuroo WaaheGuroo WaaheGuroo WaaheGuroo WaaheGuroo WaaheGuroo… Because rather then being apart from, she now was a part of ~ ONE body of Khalsa ~ ONE Waheguru ~

ਪ੍ਰਿਅਰੰਗਰੰਗਿਰਤੀਨਾਰਾਇਨਨਾਨਕਤਿਸੁਕੁਰਬਾਨੀ॥੨॥੧੦੪॥੧੨੭॥
pri rang rang ratee naaraain naanak tis kurbaanee ||2||104||127||
She is imbued with the Love of her Loving Beloved Lord; Nanak is a sacrifice to her. ||2||104||127|| SGGS Ang 1228

Photo © [Khalsa Panth]

ਗੁਰਕੇਚਰਨਕੇਸਸੰਗਿਝਾਰੇ॥੧॥
The Lord’s Name permeates each and every hair of mine. gur kae charan kaes sang jhaarae ||1||
With my hair, I dust the feet of the Guru. ||1|| SGGS Ang 387

ਕੇਸਸੰਗਿਦਾਸਪਗਝਾਰਉਇਹੈਮਨੋਰਥਮੋਰ॥੧॥
kaes sang daas pag jhaaro ihai manorath mor ||1||
With my hair, I wash the feet of Your slave; this is my life’s purpose. ||1||SGGS Ang 500

ਕੇਸਾਕਾਕਰਿਚਵਰੁਢੁਲਾਵਾਚਰਣਧੂੜਿਮੁਖਿਲਾਈ॥੧॥ਰਹਾਉ॥
kaesaa kaa kar chavar dtulaavaa charan dhoorr mukh laa-ee ||1|| rehaao ||
I make my hair into a fan, and wave it over them; I apply the dust of their feet to my face. ||1||Pause| |SGGS Ang 749

ਰੋਮਿਰੋਮਿਰਵਿਆਹਰਿਨਾਮੁ॥
rom rom raviaa har naam ||
The Lord’s Name permeates each and every hair of mine. SGGS Ang 1144

ਧਨੁਧਨੁਸੇਜਨਜਿਨੀਕਲਿਮਹਿਹਰਿਪਾਇਆਜਨਨਾਨਕਸਦਕੁਰਬਾਨੀ॥੪॥੨॥
dhan dhan sae jan jinee kal meh har paaiaa jan naanak sad kurbaanee ||4||2||
Blessed, blessed are those humble beings, who, in this Dark Age of Kali Yuga, find the Lord. Nanak is forever a sacrifice to them. ||4||2||