Enough of Mother's Day...
My current caregiver wears them for everything. Any time she touches me, she puts on those damned gloves. When she helps me dress. When she helps me walking. Even when she brings me food. (I still haven't figured that one out.) She used to wear them when she tied my hair. I put an end to that. I am a keshdhari Sikh. My hair are clean and well maintained and I hold my hair to be sacred. Refusing to touch them is beyond insulting to me. In fact, I insisted she take off the gloves or find another client. She took off the gloves.
Latex gloves are gross. It feels like a dead thing touching me. As I said, I understand the purpose sometimes, but really...I asked her if she was afraid I'd give her cooties or something. She didn't know what cooties are, so she explained it was for my protection. I almost lost my temper, but I kept cool. "My protection?! Are you dirty or do you have leprosy or something? You do wash your hands after using the toilet, don't you? I can't buy that bit about my protection. You wear them for your protection, not mine."
"It's cooties, isn't it?" I'm not sure if cooties only exist in the Western Hemisphere, so I'll explain. No one is quite sure what cooties are, but they are the absolute worst and highly contagious. The symptoms are varied and mostly innocuous, but always result in severe social problems for the infected unfortunate.
Once you get them, it is very hard, even impossible to get rid of them. So how do you get cooties? Other than by associating with others with cooties, the usual way is by being socially unacceptable. Cooties breed in young people who are "different," especially in noticeable ways. The poor kid who can't afford designer clothes. The intellectual, four-eyed kid who would rather read than gossip. The bucked tooth girl with the strange accent that none of the boys want to date. The crater-faced teenager with zits all over his face. Fat kids. Cooties breed especially virulently in fat. Cooties is primarily an affliction of the uncool.
Certain occupations can also give you cooties. Garbage collectors, of course, have cooties by definition. Most politicians have a very bad case, but some, such as Jack Layton (dear Jack, I miss him) seem to be immune. Less lofty politicians, such as Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton are surprisingly cooties free. I am not sure why. Some more prestigious professions can also make you highly susceptible to cooties, such as being a lawyer or a proctologist. I have also heard that morticians have cooties, but I am unable to verify this.
A few professions will actually make you immune to this dread condition. Veterinarians and for some unknown reason, train engineers, are known to be 100% cooties free. Go figure. So are the 1%, of course, but I'm really not certain about Paris Hilton.
The thing is that I don't see how latex gloves can protect anyone from cooties.
Since many carriers of cooties are impossible to spot, I guess the only way to be certain to remain cooties-free is to live in a "safe-room" somewhere with no contact with other human beings. Certainly you shouldn't become a caregiver dealing with people like me.
|My caregiver petting my dog - without wearing latex gloves|
End of Rant. Thank you for listening